So I decided to have a place where I can write all of my feelings about losing Maggie and missing her so much. I feel like I can write some on my other blog but I feel like I can only post so much there. Here I can write all I want because this is what this blog is all about. I hope people who have lost a child can maybe relate to what I am saying like I have with other peoples blogs that I have read. Anyway I felt like there is no better time than now to start this blog on Maggies four month passing anniversary.
Today has been a hard day and its a little strange because I'm not sure if its just a timer that is internal or if its more like I know that this is her anniversary so I feel like I'm struggling more. Either way this day has been extremely hard. Some days are harder than others to look at pictures of her and today has been a very hard day. I just can't believe she is gone. I feel scared that I am slowly forgetting some things about her and I don't want that to happen. I miss her like crazy and sometimes I just feel like she just has to come back. Somedays I have more to say than others. Today I just feel sad and I'm not really sure how I'm going to be able to live. I know people say that I have already made it four months but that is such a short time of a lifetime. However then I argue that four months seems like forever since I have held and kissed my baby girl. I miss her so so much! Things have no gotten any easier, if anything they have gotten harder. I know everyone grieves differentely so I try not to have expectations of how this is going to go. I try to feel what I need to feel even though it can be difficult at times. The physical pain that I feel of my heart feeling like its being ripped from my chest can bring me to my knees. I could have never prepared myself for this or imagined how painful it would be once she was gone.
Sorry my posts might be all over the place. Everything feels like its going to explode that I sometimes need to take a few minutes to think it out. Maybe in a couple of days I will start to feel okay for a bit. Its all about the crappy wave, or rollercoaster of emotions, or just whatever you want to call it. Its exhausting.
Love you more than ever Mags! Miss you so MUCH!
